I just woke up one day and all the emotions starts to diminish.
I closed my eyes and hope that this will last. I just want to get out of this bad situation.
Silence. When I don’t talk about how painful it is or when I don’t banter hating words to the person. It does feel good. When I talk about it, it’s like it never ends.
I feel bad of saying all those hurting words but these words are actually a fact. Somehow I do wish that I could just leave without saying a thing and let the person think of whatever he can think. I just want to leave quietly but I couldn’t help but say all my thoughts.
It’s ridiculous but my blood really does boils when I’m starting concluding things. It does also makes me sad that I’m exaggerating my thoughts. Part of me wish that I was wrong and I’m trying to reason out that I was just thinking too much. Although I’m also convinced that my thoughts were really right.
I do hate the part that It seems it’s becoming my hobby to replay and conclude of how deceitful a person can be. It makes me unhappy that all these are actually happening. I start questioning myself, how can some person be so martyr? I salute them. Because as far as I know, I just can’t take all these deceits. I’m too affected. I had two relationships from the past all have the same reason. Third party. Disloyalty. And two of them reached out to me and apologize, it does feel good the part where they regret it. I feel bad also that it makes me think I’m not worth it for a man. Why can’t they just stay with me? Fight for me? hmmm… Am I really that undeserving? I’m a good woman as far as I’m convinced. It’s funny. Those two men now are actually unhappy. (I’m telling the truth). Not because of me, but perhaps I get attracted to bad guys. This is what I get from having a relationship with a good looking guy. Too much division. The Girls chase them and I have to keep the pace. What a very sad thing to say.
And now… another process. I hate the part that I have to suck it all up. I hate the part where I have to accept of how painful it can be at the beginning. I hate that part where you still wish that person will do something like a miracle and that all the thoughts are wrong. Funny.
I just want to move on. Think of it that it’s just another nightmare. God has made me so vulnerable these days ( I don’t really blame) but I think I’m naturally fragile for my intentions are always sincere. Just now I realize that I was always being serious when it comes to relationship. I don’t make fun of it. I was raised by the two people who is showing me that a man and a woman can be really in love without boundaries and being with each others arms is worth it. Wish I could have that too. I wish I could also have someone who would wish for me and feels he is so lucky that I have him. (I feel teary).
It does sound too simple but this are rare gems. I want to bow my head because I’m too sad knowing that people are bad. This world that is temporary is actually very sad.
To the person who makes a man or a woman sad because of selfishness. I wish you have peace in your mind. I wish it’ll never happen to you or to the people you treasure. I wish one day you’ll pray for your soul and I wish one day you will be a good man or woman.