download.jpg

And sometimes…. we just need to loosen up.

I stare at my monitor. Thinking about that night. Am insane… I really am.

But I doubt I’ll ever forget that night. Perhaps it’s just an ordinary time for you, but you made me feel alive again.

I wanted to write down each and every moment. But I always got stuck with my keyboard and I struggle to find the right words.I was overwhelmed.

It was too much and it doesn’t really make sense. When someone stirs a world of emotions in you and it’s so intense that I can’t barely think. That’s what happened.

Just one crazy night. No photos. No memorabilia. Not even a single strand of hair to take with me was enough. That’s all I need. And perhaps will never meet again.. will be strangers down the street. Who knows?

I smiled. Just a thought of it. I was fed up being a nice lady. I know, I needed. No rules. No boundaries.Just one time, Close my eyes. And who cares about the rules!? Then tomorrow, I’ll wake up. Reality will sink in..  or perhaps, it’ll never be the same again. I can’t help but smile.

 

To be the other woman

Have you ever wish to be the other woman?

It feels like the world has been so bright yet I’m on a cave where all darks and no hope.

Everyone knows I’m with you but everyone doesn’t know I wish to be the other woman. .  .

And I despair so many times like every person who felt so hopeless.

I see you, I can touch you, yet I hope you will see me the way you see her.

I wish to be her, where you care to ask how’s her life, where you reminisce the happiness you’ve shared and you sincerely tell her how pretty she is.

You are with me,yet all you see is how desperate I am.

Wouldn’t even bother to care that I am hurting because of your actions.

and here I am like a wet mouse, striving to live  and feed whatever I was given.

I wish to be the other woman,where you look forward to see …

Where your heart beats and make your day smile.

 

I don’t need another day … to feel miserable

Yet I long for you and hope one day you’ll see me the way I deserve to be .

 

Another Sad Random Day

I have been negatively about everything that is happening to me.

I cannot help but continuously adapt all things everyday.

However, I’m trying to be affirmative about everything.. oh I think I do.

I have never felt to inferior and hopeless after all I’ve been through and It becomes my living.

Oh how I wish immediately I could change this thinking.

 

Sunset

image

For all I know, 
Sunset ends the day and the beginning of the night.

I admire evening… 
The stars that appears so simple yet amazingly wonderful.
Oh how many generation had pass and see the same beauty…

But sunset however has always been the saddest time for me.
Oh how today is ending and tomorrow will be another new beginning

To the person who likes breaking someone heart.

I just woke up one day and all the emotions starts to diminish.

I closed my eyes and hope that this will last. I just want to get out of this bad situation.

Silence. When I don’t talk about how painful it is or when I don’t banter hating words to the person. It does feel good. When I talk about it, it’s like it never ends.

I feel bad of saying all those hurting words but these words are actually a fact. Somehow I do wish that I could just leave without saying a thing and let the person think of whatever he can think. I just want to leave quietly but I couldn’t help but say all my thoughts.

It’s ridiculous but my blood really does boils when I’m starting concluding things. It does also makes me sad that I’m exaggerating my thoughts. Part of me wish that I was wrong and I’m trying to reason out that I was just thinking too much. Although I’m also convinced that my thoughts were really right.

I do hate the part that It seems it’s becoming my hobby to replay and conclude of how deceitful a person can be. It makes me unhappy  that all these are actually happening. I start questioning myself, how can some person be so martyr? I salute them. Because as far as I know, I just can’t take all these deceits. I’m too affected. I had two relationships from the past all have the same reason. Third party. Disloyalty. And two of them reached out to me and apologize, it does feel good the part where they regret it. I feel bad also that it makes me think I’m not worth it for a man. Why can’t they just stay with me? Fight for me? hmmm… Am I really that undeserving? I’m a good woman as far as I’m convinced. It’s funny. Those two men now are actually unhappy. (I’m telling the truth). Not because of me, but perhaps I get attracted to bad guys. This is what I get from having a relationship with a good looking guy. Too much division. The Girls chase them and I have to keep the pace. What a very sad thing to say.

And now… another process. I hate the part that I have to suck it all up. I hate the part where I have to accept of how painful it can be at the beginning. I hate that part where you still wish that person will do something like a miracle and that all the thoughts are wrong. Funny.

I just want to move on. Think of it that it’s just another nightmare. God has made me so vulnerable these days ( I don’t really blame) but I think I’m naturally fragile for my intentions are always sincere. Just now I realize that I was always being serious when it comes to relationship. I don’t make fun of it. I was raised by the two people who is showing me that a man and a woman can be really in love without boundaries and being with each others arms is worth it. Wish I could have that too. I wish I could also have someone who would wish for me and feels he is so lucky that I have him. (I feel teary).

It does sound too simple but this are rare gems. I want to bow my head because I’m too sad knowing that people are bad. This world that is temporary is actually very sad.

To the person who makes a man or a woman sad because of selfishness. I wish you have peace in your mind. I wish it’ll never happen to you or to the people you treasure.  I wish one day you’ll pray for your soul and I  wish one day you will be a good man or woman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

image

It has always been a busy week.

It’s nice to take slow things at times. I had fun over the weekend. Had some pizza and some food  with my friend while seeing the wonderful scenery. I love it. It helps me relax and meditate.

Living far away from home no matter how beautiful the surrounding is.. still it  makes differences when you are with your love ones. I am part of those people who goes outside the country to seek for a greener pasture and independence from my home-country. Oh I so love it here. And I wish it’ll be like this.. tomorrow and the next day.. and the next day… and the next day. 🙂